Powerless

Hello,

I wonder if there is anybody out there who feels like me?

I am 59 years old although feel very much younger and have recently returned to the UK from America to be with my husband. In the US I worked at an Art Institute as a freelance out-reach presenter and as an artist had my own studio which hosted exhitions from time to time.
Also, as a researcher of ancient Egyptian art I have presented lectures at art institutes, universities and embassies in Washington DC and am now in the second year of an on-line certificated Egyptology course.

I returned to this country feeling great and optimistic with an abundance of energy. My yearly research trips to Egypt also fuelling this fire however, over the couple of years since my return I feel the sap is drying up and my confidence is taking a 'nose dive.'

I have been writing a screenplay relating to Egypt; trying to get small trips together to travel to areas in the country where tourism is low. I have applied for many many jobs in order that I may get these desired things together and might add that the only jobs I can get are those as care assistant (which I have done) to old rich women some of whom need servants rather than 'care.' I even applied to an old peoples home to talk about Egyptian art using my own wonderful tomb images in a power point presentation but not even a bite!

I spend most of the day writing not very intelligent articles and painting, not very good paintings in my isolated garrett. I live in an area, not country, not city which suffers from mediocrity and lack of life. I sometimes walk into town and walk home wondering how on earth this experience could be so lacklustre and have to pinch myself to make sure I'm still alive. Oh how I want to get started! I'm not finished yet! But HOW? Am I really over the hill? I don't think I look too bad yet.

Well I won't bemoan my fate any more today for I am not a sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself sort of person really.

Anyone have similar experience?

Olivia